Elusive whistleblower, Ed Snowden is still out there and he seems to be involved in a worldwide cat and mouse chase with Barack Obama and the US authorities.
Our global sources have been scanning the world for him and we’ve so far had 6 different leads that we are currently following up:
North America
Russia has supplied him with a fake passport and a face transplant, and now Ed is on his way to the US to attend an interview for a top secret job. We’ve been advised to say no more at the moment. Sorry.
Australia
After hearing the news that Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gillard has lost the leadership of the Labor party to the man she ousted in 2010, Kevin Rudd, Ed has been drafted in to ‘spill the beans’ on that night out down under with ‘Ruddy’ last December in an dramatic attempt to get her position back.
Brazil
Reports are coming out of Brazil that Mr Snowden has been approached by leading figures of the Brazilian football association to attend tonight’s Semi-final match against Uruguay as a special guest. ‘The atmosphere has been lacking in previous matches and we had heard Mr Snowden was the best whistle blower in the whole of the US. It was a perfect solution.’ said the source.
Wales
Ed revealed only last month that his favourite place to visit during tough times was Wales and in particular, Gwynedd. Apart from the sheep, the biggest attraction was his almost name-sake mountain, Mount Snowdon, to which he has climbed an incredible 7 times!
Czech Republic
Ed made the quick trip down from Russia to Czech Republic. Since then, he’s negotiating buying a new strip club to accommodate his pole dancing girlfriend, Lindsay Mills. Our source, who chose not to be named, said, ‘Ed drives a hard bargain and here in Prague they are two words that are used a lot’.
Hawaii
Being a secret agent means you know all the best places to hide. So where’s the last place Barack Obama is going to look for Ed now? Home. And we’ve spoken with Ed’s neighbours, friends, brother who confirmed that Ed Snowden is back in Hawaii enjoying the white beaches, sun and cocktails.
A close source has also revealed a potential breaking lead in that Ed is now editing an information security website under a heavy disguise, so keep your eyes peeled for a suspicious looking character circulating the web. If you see anyone or alternatively, have any ideas to where Ed Snowden is then please contact me today at [email protected]
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